I don’t wanna grow up.

I could still sing you the song word for word and hum it for hours. I’m sure 5 million other young adults could do the same. I’m sitting here thinking about where I am in my life (more like laying here since it’s the 5th night of jet lag, but I’m unsure if I really can blame it on jet leg after 3 nights). For all the maturity I do and did have growing up, I’m not sure I want to grow up.

Think about it, next year I’ll be in my mid twenties, if I am not already. I never thought to reach this point and now that I have, I almost rather not. Some people can’t wait to leave their homes, set up their own, be independent, buy there own cars, decorate their own place, find their own family and have their own kids. I’m happy with staying home most of the nights, even weekends (I really only use studying as the excuse so I don’t have to go out and party as much), like to hang out with my parents, go on family trips, rather not buy a car or a house, and rather not have a romantic relationship. Either I sound like a kid or a really old grandma.

I think because I had to be more mature as a child, I’m not as easily excited by things most people are excited about, drinking, drugs, and sex. I’m excited but probably not enough for the average person. however, I feel like it gave me a finer appreciation for the simpler joys of life, being able to in my mid-twenties to appreciate my parents, play duck duck goose with 5 children for the first time in over 15 years, who even if you doubled their ages, they would not reach mine, seem young enough to be mistaken as the younger sister (it’s the height I tell you and the fact that my brother dresses like an old man, even though he’s only in his early-twenties).

It’s hard to tell really if I’m mature or not. I’m coming to realize that it’s the same for everyone else in the world. And I guess one of my immature facets is my inability to make a life altering decision and follow it through. I always get sidetracked, or start comparing, and rarely every feel satisfied with what I choose. My dissatisfaction could be a good thing, it just keeps driving me further to try new things and expand my horizons. However, that’s a very optimistic view, and if I were a pessimist (which I am if I don’t try hard not to be) I would say that I have not staying power (stamina for the big macho men in the back) and thus I lead myself to continue to challenge myself. I think at this point, I’ve almost bite off more than i can chew, and I’m getting all choked up inside. I’ve never hit the wall so hard before and been unable to scale it. I’m going to make it, but damn it’s going to take me awhile.

And thus, I hesitate. Not because I’m unsure of what I need or necessarily want to do, but because, it’s one more step to being an adult and I’m coming to realize, that I really don’t want to be an adult.

Shoutout to all the random ass people checking out my blog! You be very cool. Has anyone figured out the difference between a tag and a category?