shadywaters

I think living is such a funny thing. Everyone has so many different definitions for it and what it really should entail. How adventurous you have to be, how many new things you try a day, what you do, what the motto of your life should be. And everyone lives it differently. That’s probably the greatest thing, that we are doing the same exact thing, living, but all in different ways. How people relate to each other, how they keep in touch, how many friends they do have and don’t have, who they rely on, how they talk to people. it’s all different. It’s those different qualities and implementations in life that fascinate me. Sometimes I look at people and wonder what they are thinking, what is their thought pattern. Sometimes I wonder what people’s voices would sound like, just by looking at them, what it would look like visually. I’m a very visual person, even if things like sounds and taste don’t have a visual quality.

There are many “rules” that I live by in my life. Fortunately I follow most of them and break most of them. See, probably one of my best qualities is my contrariness. hhahaha. Anyways, one of them is that I don’t live by looking back over my shoulder and regretting. Many might find this just to be forgetting and moving on with one’s life. And, maybe in the end, that’s really what it is. But in this day and age, it’s hard to forget, or blame it on a crappy memory, which I do, all the time, trust me, because there are just so many things out there that record our memories and don’t fade with time and use, like our brains, hard copies of photos, or tape recordings. Every online conversation we have is documented, every picture or drawing is digitally documented. It’s hard to forget once we have technologically communicated. So even if I empty my brain of everything, and pretend to forget everything, it’s easy to pull up those memories again, through facebook, through online records, pictures . . . luckily or unluckily my thoughts are not the only musty reference file I can go back to now.

I try not to live my life with regrets because I know, if I really wanted it differently, I could change it and make it how I want it. But sometimes, I know, that changing it won’t make a difference, and it would have ended the same, but I sometimes wish it had been different. I had had been different, the people around me had been different and we had arrived at a different conclusion, together. not separately. and maybe, one day, I’ll have amnesia and none of these digital memories will hold meaning to me anymore. hahahha if only.

But until then, Life’s about living. I guess I’ll shelve the musty reference files for another day. night.